Clarissa Dalloway and her daughter Elizabeth in Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf have a very interesting relationship. Clarissa never thinks anything bad about her daughter- she is constantly loving and only criticizes Elizabeth’s choices in friends. Elizabeth, on the other hand, seems slightly annoyed by her mother and passive to the idea of spending time with her. In some cases, while seeming odd, the relationship is also reminiscent of many mother-daughter relationships today. It reminds me of how teenagers seem to always go through a phase of being annoyed and feeling misunderstood by their parents. I think Elizabeth especially feels this way because Clarissa tends to push Elizabeth to be a different person, one more like herself.
It’s important to note that Elizabeth is very different from her mother. She mentions only ever wanting to stay in their country house with her father and her dogs. While Clarissa is running around making sure all her party guests are content, Elizabeth is waiting around worrying over her dog upstairs. When Clarissa wants to take Elizabeth shopping, Elizabeth would rather spend time with Miss. Kilman, who both Clarissa and Richard Dalloway dislike. I especially think the way Clarissa views Elizabeth and Miss Kilman's relationship is telling of the mother-daughter dynamic in this book. I feel like there is certainly a lot of jealousy coming from Clarissa’s side. On one hand, I feel like Clarissa could be sensing she is being replaced. Miss Kilman can offer Elizabeth many things that Clarissa can not, including the reason they first met, that Miss Kilman could tutor her extensively on history. Clarissa often feels belittled for caring about ‘trivial’ things like parties and sewing (especially by Peter). Since it seems like Elizabeth doesn’t care for these things and would rather have the education and opportunities Clarissa was never given and can’t help Elizabeth with, I can see how Clarissa may feel left behind and once again trivialized for the things she enjoys to do. Not to mention there is definitely some bitterness over the fact that Miss Kilman is very poor and by Clarissa’s standards, very far beneath her, yet still has the education that Clarissa lacks.
On the other hand, I think Clarissa may also hold some resentment over Elizabeth and Miss Kilman’s friendship because it reminds her of her and Sally Seton’s companionship, which was left behind so long ago. At its base, this story seems like Clarissa reminiscing about her teenage years and the life and friends she left behind. It would be fitting in this story for Clarissa to be upset about Elizabeth and Miss Kilman because she is jealous her daughter has something she lost. Sally Seton was extremely important to Clarissa, so much that Clarissa basically expressed her feelings for Sally as a true love she never quite felt with anyone else. I imagine losing a relationship like that would be heartbreaking, so seeing her daughter have that with Miss Kilman may bring back grief for what she lost with Sally.
Overall, however, I think what is more interesting is that Elizabeth doesn’t seem to have the same extremely complex feelings over her relationships as both Clarissa and Miss Kilman have. While Clarissa and Miss Kilman both express deep feelings of dislike over each other and seem to be fighting over Elizabeth, Elizabeth seems passive over both of them. While she avoids spending time with her mother in favor of Miss Kilman, the moments we see of her and Miss Kilman’s interactions are a little sad. It feels like Elizabeth doesn’t actually care much about Miss Kilman, which is obvious when she abandons her at the shops and instead goes to ride an omnibus for no other reason than that she doesn’t want to go home yet and she likes the fresh air. It feels like Elizabeth is just a person with simple desires surrounded by characters who are complicated and often have too much drama among them. I think it's refreshing to have a character like Elizabeth, and I think every book should have one of her.
